Posts tagged social media

Most of my family knows about my blog, weather they read it is another story.  Hubby’s family I have never told, except his sister knows cause she is on Facebook tho I don’t know that she reads it.  We really don’t talk to his family all that much so it really isn’t an issue.  But with my family knowing about it I try to keep them out of what I blog about.  I figure anything I am about to post is only going to piss people off that I don’t talk to anyway so no biggie.  Just don’t tell my mother about it, I am not allowed to mention her on the internet remember?

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I’ve struggled over the years with my parents.  I didn’t see my father that much especially once he moved to Florida when I was a kid.  I was told many things about him but I could never understand how others felt as I never saw that side of my dad.  So I don’t know if I was being lied to to try and spite him or if I just never saw it.  I remember my dad well and wished I had spent more time with him before he passed away.  I blamed him for not allowing anyone to tell me when he was sick so that I could spend time with him.  I blamed myself for not putting more of an effort into seeing him.  But I am glad that I remember the good things about him.  And while it was the most difficult thing I ever had to do I am glad I was there when he passed on.

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My mom, whom I love dearly, is difficult.  She is very negative but the positive side of that is you always know where you stand with her and how she feels.  She holds nothing back.   She tends to think she is the only right one in how to live, behave, dress, you name it.   I used to fight and scream at her on the phone.  I used to hang up crying at the things she said.  I had to learn to let go as it wasn’t good for me.  It took many years to learn to accept that she won’t change all I can do is love her, she is my mother.  There have been a few times where she has crossed the line with my kids and those times weren’t taken lightly.  Sometimes I didn’t talk to her for months.  We definitely have a better relationship now than we did years ago and I am thankful for that.

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My step father gave me a bit of a hard time growing up.  Ok more than a bit, but I have let go of all that.  He wasn’t very nice to me when I was a kid.  I think he felt obligated to financially care for me and it pissed him off.  I recall him wanting to adopt me when I was a child and I said no.  I couldn’t do that to my dad.  I think that upset him.  I really don’t know.  Once I had grown up and moved out of the house we have a much better relationship.  I think it was also easier for me to treat him like he is my dad when my dad had passed on.  He knew I needed a father and I am glad he can be that.  I am very thankful to have him in my life.

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I have always wanted a big family.  I had imagined myself having more than 3 children unfortunatly my husband didn’t share that idea.  It’s a bit of a shame that neither of our family’s do family reunion or big holiday gathering things.  If they do we don’t know about it.   I tried for a few years having everyone over christmas eve.  We invited my mom and step-dad, both of my sisters, my grandparents, Chris’s mom and step-dad and his step dads mother over a couple years in a row.  I cooked, baked and was excited about having everyone together at once.  One year I even made homemade ornaments for everyone. Unfortunately I think it became a contest between our sets of parents on who could buy more for the kids.  Not what I wanted at all.  I stopped having his parents over with mine.

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When I met hubby he didn’t speak to his parents.  He was living with a friends family and is a long story that doesn’t need told.  He wound up calling and telling his mom and step-dad about us.  I met them at some point and they were very nice.  Hubby decided to go to the military and I got together with his parents while he was away.  We had a good relationship over the years.  They always wanted to see the kids and spend time with them when they were younger.  They used to take them for a week in the summer to give us a break.  Something happened somewhere and it seemed to have slowly started after our 3rd child was born.  They have always treated her differently.  She was too young to go places with them, she was too much of a pain to have overnight.  They would make promises that she was next for a sleepover but that next time didn’t come.  I tried to stay positive about it mostly because it was a sore spot for hubby.  He never wanted to talk about it.  The gifts for my oldest became more expensive and the most lavish while the other two, well, didn’t seem thought of much.  Honestly I think they cling more to my oldest because they think she needs “saved”.  I really am shocked after them pushing bible school on my kids for their week vacation at their house that my youngest decided to this year to be baptized catholic.  She hated bible school.  They would tell us that she couldn’t spend the week with them if she didn’t go and she was pissed.  I think she needed to make that decision, not it be forced on her.  I do think it is good for her though and supported her decision to do that.  Even more wild she wanted my in-laws to be one of her god parents and sponsor.  I hope she didn’t choose it in hopes to be closer to them.  If she did I don’t think it worked once the ceremony was over.

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Hubby has spoken to his father off and on over the years.  His step mother is a bitch.  Plain and simple.  I never liked her or the things she would say when we went to their house.  We have barely spoken to them over the years which seemed to stem from something so trivial as a baby shower.  My mother threw me a baby shower for my first daughter.  Step-mom wasn’t invited.  She didn’t want the tension between her and hubby’s mom.  She apparently was pissed and said she had a gift for the baby but since she wasn’t invited we weren’t getting it.  We made attempts anyway to keep them in our lives but we talked to them less and less.  I think it’s sad that his father had to sneak out to see us so she wouldn’t know and it’s sad he didn’t stand up to her for his son.  My kids barely know him.   I found his sister on Facebook and have talked to her and we managed a few get together’s since.  Of coarse his wife couldn’t know about it except the few times my husband went to his house.  Other than bringing my kids to his sisters birthday outing at Dave and Busters he hasn’t seen them nor has invited us all over just hubby.  Sadly we never felt a part of the family on that side.  Hubby felt more like that side of the family so I know it hurts him.

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Can a relationship be healed after all these years?  I know it can as I have done it with my own family.  However it takes both sides willing to work on it for it to happen.   It’s not perfect but it’s not gone.  If you have the chance, try.  I wish I had more time with my father before he passed on.  I wish my kids knew him better than they did.  My kids are growing up fast.  Two are teens and it’s sad they didn’t have all their relatives in their lives.  People who are alive and well.

I think part of my healing process is dealing with all this.  As you get older you wish there were things you could change but more so you start to hope it’s not too late.  Anything could happen, anyone could go just like that.  For me being with family is more important than your job, your clean house, anything.

My next goal for my family is to try and have a relationship with my fathers family that still lives in Florida.  I am happy I found so many of them on Facebook I just don’t know how to reach out to them and begin a relationship with them outside of Facebook.

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Take all of our experiences and turn that into us as parents.  Were not perfect, no one is.  However we have used that all into how we raise our kids.  Spending time with them has always come first, at least for me.  They are my world.  I want my kids to talk to me, I want them to be able to have love and compassion for people, I want them to enjoy life.  I think I have given that to them and hope that they appreciate that.  I hope that I am always close with them no matter our differences.