That’s exactly how I have felt lately, not social.

Maybe it is because I have had my fare share of being social when I don’t want to be lately.

I spent 5 days sick with a fever and worked through it, with no one but my kids to care or make me some hot tea.  Sometimes that’s all a girl needs!

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I spent 3 days dispatching with my father at work.  I don’t normally do that at work so it was stressful and very busy.

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I stopped posting on Twitter everyday.  Did anyone notice?  I just didn’t have anything to say.

I still post on Facebook but have kept as much of the drama out.

I haven’t blogged.  It’s not because I don’t have anything to blog about.  I haven’t wanted it to turn into what todays post is.

I am feeling down.  Self pitty.

Maybe it’s because I have been screwed enough reacently to last awhile.  Things I haven’t blogged about nor Tweeted or left status on Facebook about.

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My son turned 15 last week.  I made dinner and a cake.  Okay my oldest daughter was kind enough to bake the cake, I iced it.  I don’t think I am upset that my kids are getting older.  I was upset that the only family member who showed up was my step-father and only because he forgot to bring my sons gift to work that day.  I am glad someone came.

Maybe it’s because I am not being social and using being busy as an excuse.  My writing is my outlet weather it be blogging or even Twitter and Facebook.   Sometimes I think it’s bad for me to be so open.  Sometimes it opens up wounds further.  But suppressing everything never helps me.

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Maybe it’s the weather.  However the weather made me smile earlier this week.  Remember my blogging about my favorite smell in the fall, wet leaves?  Monday night I smelled the sweet smell of wet leaves.  It was a nice evening but had been raining for awhile.  The leaves are finally starting to change color and fall on the ground. I stood in my backyard and just took a few breaths in.  Mmmmmm.

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I went to Pittsburgh Penguins Game #4 against the Islanders.  The new arena is beautiful!  I plan on blogging about that in another post.

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Whatever the cause I hope it is over soon.   While I have had good things happen I don’t like the mood I am in.  I don’t like feeling helpless.  I don’t like feeling that no one cares (maybe they do, maybe they don’t the problem is I have no idea).  I don’t like feeling like no one wants to talk to me when I know it’s just me  (at least I hope).

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My anxiety could be to blame but it is coming to fruit today as far as realizing it.   The downfall to moving downstairs at work is I am not used to being around all the people when I am having anxiety problems.  It sucks.  You feel like there are people everywhere.  You feel like they are staring at you.   Anxiety sucks.