Posts tagged healing
I have always used art as a form of therapy. Sometimes when I am happy, most often when I’m angry or upset. My art of choice is typically drawing or painting. I have a couple notebooks and keep some canvas on the ready just incase I want to explode. You just pour yourself onto the paper or canvas.
Do you think your not creative enough? It doesn’t have to be anything at all really you can just pour paint on the paper and swirl it around. Your not trying to be Picasso, you are letting your feelings out so just go with whatever happens.
If you feel you must have some inspiration you can try a book. Here are two that I own and have found some good ideas from them. My stuff never turns out how the people in the book make it and that is ok!
You can also search the internet. I have found myself spending a couple hours just searching ideas in preparation for when I need it. Save yourself some time and check out my pinterest board for Art Inspiration. I have a variety of pins including quotes and tutorials.
What do you need?
You can use whatever is in your home. Paper, #2 pencils, crayons, cardboard. The possibilities are endless.
Since this is for therapy and not to make money my supplies are pretty basic. It started out small and grew as I tried different mediums and decided I liked using them.
Here is a list of supplies I have on hand at all times:
These notebooks allow many different media types. I paint with acrylic, water color, draw with pencil, micron pens, etc. Makes it easier to have one book for everything.
* Canson 9-Inch by 12-Inch Extra Long Multi-Media Paper Pad, 60-Sheet
To me these are the best drawing pencils.
* Faber-Castell 9000 Pencil Design Set
Student paint and the price was right. I also love the color choices! I don’t often have to mix colors other than maybe making a color lighter.
* Studio 71 – 24 Tube Paint Set
I purchased these brushes when I lived in Pittsburgh and haven’t been able to find them anywhere in Sarasota. I have a couple different packs so I should be good for awhile. Just get something cheap but not natural hair as it tends to come out in the paint.
* Studio 71 Premium Brushes
This is basic canvas and the price isn’t bad.
* Darice Studio 71 8-Inch-by-10-Inch Traditional Canvas
Sponges are great for making a textured look on acrylic.
* Arts & Crafts Painting Sponges
Watercolor paper is expensive so I only have this 6×6 pad so far.
* Global Art Fluid Watercolor Blocks 6 in. x 6 in. block
Instead of washing out a plastic palette I use these sheets and just throw them away when I am done.
* Darice Studio 71 9-Inch-by-12-Inch, 40-Sheet Palette
These are great pens for zentangle and journaling. I have a couple different sized black ones and some color ones as well.
* Sakura 30068 8-Piece Pigma Micron Clam Assorted Colors 01 Ink Pen Set
Charcoal pencils are messy but one of my favorite things to work with.
* General Pencil Charcoal Pencil Kit W/Eraser 557BP
When I draw with charcoal I use this eraser to remove some of the charcoal to create lines.
* Pentel Clic Eraser Grip Retractable Eraser with Grip, Assorted Barrels, 1 Pack (ZE21BP-K6)
I sometimes use colored pencils with my pencil and charcoal drawing just to give it a little color.
* Prismacolor Premier Colored Pencils, 24 Assorted Color Pencils
So go get messy, it’s ok! Make some art!
Living with Anxiety is so difficult. It’s hard to remember a time in my life where it wasn’t a problem almost daily. In the past there have been times where it wasn’t such a constant battle but the older I get the worse it seems to get.
If you have been reading my blog you may know my doctor wanted me to try Prozac a year ago and while I had it filled I never took it. I went back two weeks ago and he gave me a new prescription for Prozac after telling me he really thinks I need to try something daily. He put me on a very low dose as he knows I am afraid to take medication. Thats part of the anxiety as well as a problem with a previous medication.
I finally did it. I filled it and started taking it the day after my doctor appointment. So it has been a week and a half. I take it at 10 am every day. The doc told me to take it in the morning and I picked that time as I have a hard time eating anything earlier in the day.
I am tired earlier at night. I had fallen asleep at 7:30pm one night but mostly around 10pm. That is a huge difference from the 12:30am and later because my worrysome thoughts keep me up. I am getting more proper sleep but am a little more tired through the day.
By the time I get to work in the morning I experience some panic. I am usually better about 1/2 hr to an hour after taking the next dose. By dinner time though I am back in the panic mode again but it seems to taper off by the time I fall asleep.
Now my panic is no where near what it once was. My panic isn’t so high that I can’t function at all. I have a hard time concentrating sometimes, especially at work, but no where near the amount before I started. The only other issue I battle through is taking public transportation. I still panic at times on the bus but it has been pretty bad in the past. There were times I cried at the thought of getting on the bus in the past.
I am still adjusting to the medication. The doc told me that I could up the dose myself and I think that may be necessary soon but I am trying to wait.
I just want to feel normal again.
I wish you all good mental health.
2010 is over and 2011 is the year to look forward to.
Last night I feel asleep at 11:30. I didn’t watch the ball drop. I didn’t go anywhere.
My and my boring self had enough of 2010.
There will be no traditions for good luck. What did the do for me previous years?
No crazy resolutions like quitting smoking or loosing 30 lbs.
I need to quit smoking but that can be done on any day.
I don’t need to loose weight but I think people need to consider a more obtainable goal such as “I will try to work out 30 min a week.” It’s not overkill and it is obtainable.
So I have some goals for myself for this year.
* Clean something every day so it doesn’t become overwhelming.
* Scan paperwork to have less clutter.
* Burn pictures once a month onto DVD.
* Finish my recipe book project. It needs updated and photo’s of food I have made added. My goal is to promote and sell it.
* Spend less – Save more. I had to be frugal for many years of my adult hood out of necessity. We are not rich by any means but we are doing good. We buy whatever we need and sometimes whatever we want. It’s not all bad but we have no cushion if one of us would loose our job.
* Continue eating better. I have destroyed that the last two months. The holidays, stress, no time have led me to eat like crap and my body is screaming.
* Utilize things to help me.
Wreck This Journal will foster destructive creativity.
Living Well With Anxiety will help me take hold of my anxiety more.
Getting the Love You Want will help me in my relationships.
* Do Yoga. I think it will help me de-stress more and feel better. I did it for awhile about a year or so ago but I pulled a muscle and haven’t done it since. I really want to go to a Yoga class but since that is difficult to manage I should utilize the On Demand I pay for and do it at home.
* Find happiness in my work or find another job. What I love to do I can’t find a way to get paid for and we need the money and health insurance I carry so………….
Category: Blog Better
* Utilize what knowledge I have been given. I went to PodCamp Pittsburgh and have a notebook full of notes and podcasts on my Ipod. I haven’t listened to the podcasts and skimmed over my notes. I made some changes to my blog but not many.
* Change the reason I blog. I started my blog on January 4, 2010, almost a year ago. I started my blog for myself and never wanted to change that. A year later I realize I have to. While I still want to write for myself only close friends and some family really read it. So what’s the point of writing it? Sure I have an archive of my life to look back on but why write a blog at all if I am being selfish I can do that in a handwritten journal for only myself. I need to figure out what I have to offer that other people are interested in. Many people have a topic they write about. I have a hard time limiting my life and interests so if that means I won’t be an uber popular blogger then that is okay. My blog is my own style. I will always have personal stuff here but I will try and find a way to be of interest to others.
Some new things I have come up with and would love your input.
* Do a 365 Days Photography Project. I love to photograph things. I am no professional but it’s something i enjoy and want to learn how to do better at it. My plan is to take at least one photograph a day. At the end of the week I will post one photo per day for the past week for the rest of the year.
* Give something away on my blog. I do have something to give away, it’s not anything big but it’s a start. I just need to figure out how I will do it.
* I thought about doing a Food Challenge. I like to come up with new food and get creative. I think I will start a challenge where I will ask my readers to submit an ingredient and a course. I will use the online randomizer to choose the suggestions and will create something based on that. I would give my readers so long to submit, then myself so long to create and blog about it sharing the recipe and photo’s.
I made goals last year. See my last update on how I did.
I am adding the goals I need to keep:
Try to be more positive
Do more for myself
Take care of myself
Learn to cook healthy food
Have pics printed
So let’s take a look back for just a bit.
The living room is almost done. You remember the never ending living room project that drove me nuts right?
We need trim and new carpet and will do that when it gets warmer outside as we have to wait until it is warmer to stain outside.
Remember what it used to look like?
I am pleased with how it turned out but please if I ever want to start a remodel project before the holidays remind me not to! -
The Kids on Christmas Day in front of the tree.
On Facebook I used an App to create my Year in Photo’s.
From top to bottom, left to right:
Cierra and Me at a Bride Show. I was to be her maid of honor tho the wedding never happened
Alison in 2 feet of snow in what Pittsburgh called snowmageddon.
Spring Event at Capa High School Jeremy & Alison are painting pots for a project.
Hanging in Southside with my kids and my sister and her kids.
Alison’s 11th Birthday party we rented out a local ice rink. It was a blast!
Jeremy’s 8th grade Graduation.
Best Restaurants Party. I hope to attend again this was one of the best events I had been to in Pittsburgh.
Me at the Beach on Hilton Head Island.
Autumn holding our new puppy Baby.
Autumn & Me at a Saxaphone performance at school.
Me and My sister.
Alison at Simmons Farm.
Alison at a local Halloween event. This is the best picture I think I have ever taken.
My kids and my sisters kids on Halloween trick or treating.
My sister and her fiancée the night they got engaged! Congrats!!!
Last but not least Thank You to all my readers this past year! Thank you for being a part of my life by reading about it. Here is to a new year of wonderful things! I wish you all a happy and healthy new year!
I decided to make a list of goals for myself. Things I need do to, things I want to do. If you read my blog from last night you may understand why I am doing this. I have alot of built up anger and negativity. I also do more for other’s than I do for myself. In the case of my children it can be good but I do it in all areas of my life.
It can be so hard to change, but that negativity towards it has stopped me for many years. No more excuses. I need to take my life into my own hands and make things happen. I am responsible for making myself happy.
- Try to be more positive [trying hard, difficult when things keep going wrong] [i have been doing alot more of this, even in my blog. we all have our moments tho.] [I think I did a good job through the year. I had my ups and downs of positivity but I think I did better than I had previous years.]
- Do more for myself [since I am laid off I have time for it, no excuse] [i'm probably taking too much time for myself some days. but hey it's ok] [I didn't end the year well in this category. For some reason I get more pleasure from doing for others even if it means I am unhappy. I can't seem to break this habit.]
- Take care of myself [since I am laid off I have time for it, no excuse] [I didn't end the year doing well here either. I need to focus on this more.]
- finish last cookbook and promote it. [I did not do this at all. It is on my new list]
- go through my clothes and get rid of what i hang onto [finally went through my clothes. I now have more room in my drawers!]
- go through my house and get rid of what i hang onto [started working on this. my living room is less cluttered. need to work on the rest of the house yet] [i'm slacking, need to do more and possibly box some stuff up for a flea market] [I have been keeping busy doing things I shouldn't be doing so my hard work in the beginning is looking like I didn't bother at all] [with a remodel project i was able to get rid of many things I should have a long time ago. I can always work on this.]
- cut down on how much of my time I volunteer [already started. I have given up way to much of the last 10 years of my life] [have a camping trip this weekend which is the last of my volunteer commitments] [i went to a meeting of another organization. why do i always do this to myself? It is a good cause tho, for my kids school. the meeting was overwhelming tho and I am not sure in what capacity I will help.] [I don't volunteer for anything anymore. I do miss it though, it was rewarding.]
- learn to cook healthy food [working on it. Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution got me going!] [have been getting my kids eating better too. my oldest has been the easiest thus far, my youngest is my most difficult] [i'm doing better grocery shopping but eating out more often since i've had people to hang out with and it's tearing my stomach up.] [when i went to get my hair done she told me my hair looked healthier than ever and she said it's because I'm eating better!]
- finish dvd’s of photo’s on computer [yay finally done with that! now getting the kids to burn their stuff.]
- have pics printed [I had one set of pics printed and they were of my dog who passed away so I still need to do this]
- cut down on how many facebook games i play [started working on this. i cut it down to farmville, cafe world and zoo world. there were many more] [I play one game, farmville.]
- decide if twitter is necessary [for now I decided to keep it] [and i have barley used it in months now]
- decide what i want my blog to be [just about me and whatever i may fancy. i got this idea i needed a theme for awhile. screw a theme its whatever!] [check out my new goals post for this]
- organize blog labels: [This was the easiest to accomplish. I wanted my labels to be different than most. And cut down on how many I had with the wide array of topics I blog about.]
- start saving money to make my dreams come true [did not happen and I don't want to talk about it.]
- write more [i have been blogging more.] [i have been writing almost every weekday now.] [I have slacked in writing more but it's not because I don't want to I just don't have much time.]
- use my “Wreck this Journal” [this is again on my list as I haven't touched it]
To see my new goals check out Looking towards 2011.
If you have been reading my blog you will notice I can be a very negative person. I do believe it stems from my parents. Unfortunatly it has been passed onto my children. Thankfully not as bad as far as I can tell but it’s there.
My husband and I have been going to marriage counseling since November. We needed to do something or move on. I can’t say things are hunky dorey but were learning to deal with each other better. In the long run whatever happens I think we will be able to talk better at least.
This evening I had a session alone. We talked about how I deal with our issues and a little about family. We had went further into family dynamics at an earlier session. There we discovered I have a huge disconnect with my fathers side of the family. I have found I would like to re-connect with them. The distance makes it difficult but it’s something I hope to work on.
During tonights session we talked about my letting go of things. She shared a few ways to help me do that. I used to do Yoga until I pulled a muscle in my back though I would like to start that again too. She pulled out a deck of cards and asked me to pick one. One? Lol I went through and wound up with 6. She asked me to narrow it down to 3 and I was stuck on 4. So we dealt with the 4. She was nice enough to make copies of the cards for me.
So card 1 stated on the front:
Rely on yourself
On the back it says:
Today’s lesson: look at the issue of dependency. Do you rely upon others to do what you should be doing for yourself? Healing is a solo endeaver, and while we all need support during this process, ultimatly the task of self-empowerment rests with us. Your goal: to identify and modify the ways in which you release personal responsability to others.
I do tend to make others responsable for things. One for instance is my happiness. I spent many years depressed thinking I needed validation from my husband to be happy with myself.
Card 2 front:
Let go of resentment.
On the back:
Today’s lesson: acknowledge one resentful feeling you need to release, and keep in mind that all types of resentment are poisin and harm the healing process. Your goal: to become mindful of your reasons for staying angry, and to begin letting go of negative feelings by the end of the day.
I know I’m resentful of alot of things. I resent my parents for not being strict enough, for abuse, and much more. I resent my husband for not always being what I want him to be. It doesn’t help me feel good and I need to learn to let go of some of these things for which I have no control over or have ended long ago.
Follow your dreams
Today’s lesson: point out one special dream or ambition that you’ve vacillated about or postponed. What has motivated you to put posative actions on hold? Your goal: to determine whether your excuse is real, and if not, identify the real reason you’ve delayed so that you can do something about it.
So it’s hard to make your dreams come true if you have all this unsettled negativity and built up anger. If you asked me earlier what is stopping me from my dreams I would have said my husband. But I have to wonder if it’s my relying on him for my happiness. We don’t share the same dream but I have to decide if that’s what I want with or without him. I guess these all need dealt with.
Last is card 4:
Eat healthful foods
Todays lesson: eat only foods that are good for you. Perhaps this is something you normally do, in which case you should feel very good about how well you’re caring for yourself. Most people, however, know that they should be more attentive to this area, but find it difficult. Your goal: to practice healthy nutrition.
This is something I have been working on. It’s difficult coming home from work and not just popping in something quick. I love to cook but even before my work days I cooked fatty, fried, you name it bad food. I cooked good food too. Finding foods we will all like is also difficult as well as it does seem to cost more.
So I am going to try and think of these things and continue to work on them. I can’t promise I won’t bitch or vent cause sometimes you just need to, but I will try to do it less as I know it only angers me more half the time.
With that said I feel better about things after that session. I don’t know what the future holds but I need to rely more on myself to be happy instead of expecting others to make me happy.
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