Posts tagged family
Forget December
Dec 16th
Sometimes that is exactly what I want to do. December was always one of my favorite months. I enjoy the family time, decorating, giving, etc that comes with this time of year. I hate the snow and the cold but in my decorated house I am warm and fuzzy.
As I get older I am having a hard time with the sadness that also comes with this time of year for some people. Many people get sad with the cold weather and it getting darker earlier. But for those who have lost a loved one this time of year it is extra difficult.
For me it started in 2006 when I lost my father in December. I don’t talk about him much but I do think about him. The following December a family friend passed away. A beautiful mother of two who was way too young to die. It just continues…. my one bosses father just passed two days ago, my friends brother, and the sad news that my mother in law is in stage 4 cancer.
December should be off limits for bad news if you ask me. But we have to try and continue on and remember all the good things about the people we love. Life is short. Make sure to spend time with your family over the holidays!
Happy Holidays and may Angels watch over you.
Ever had that feeling?
Oct 17th
Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen? It has happened to me many times over the years.
One in particular in the past was while driving on the highway something horrible came over me and I told my husband to get off the highway. I didn’t know if it was just my anxiety or what but he actually listened and we never found out if I was just nuts or if anything happened. I don’t think I really wanted to know.
The night before my dog died last year both me and my youngest daughter felt something was off.
It usually doesn’t happen that often but reacently it happened twice. I never know if it’s my immediate family or someone else close to us.
Last weekend I was supposed to go on a camping trip in Ohio. Unfortunatly I wound up with bronchitis with a touch of pneumonia early in the week and sent my family without me. I had a bad feeling the night before they left but was hoping everything was ok and didn’t want to freak them out by telling them. As it happens I was meant to stay home for a very good friend of mine who needed me. Once she was okay and with me the feeling went away.
This past Sunday I woke up with that feeling. I knew something was going to go wrong. My daughter babysat for a good friend of ours only to have her call us to pick her up as he was injured in an ATV accident. He is okay but when I heard that I knew my bad feelings from that morning had let loose. The creepy part is my yougest again told me she felt something that morning as well.
Once I know what the bad thing is I feel better. Not better as in I am happy but my mental state is better because I feel like I don’t have to worry anymore.
Everything happens for a reason. I just hate waking up and spending my day worrying, waiting until something bad happens. I wish there was something I could do to know, to stop things from happening but most often I can’t and can just be there for the aftermath.
Am I nuts? Is it some womens intuition? Is there something out there telling me something? Again, am I nuts?
The Boat
Jul 1st
So the husband aquired this car from some old lady. When I say aquired I mean he did work for trade. He was obsessed with getting this car no matter what I said to him. I explained we need money not another vehicle.
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First off our other car needs inspected. There is shit wrong with it. We had been saving to have it fixed. We kind of need this vehicle to get us to our vacation desitnation this summer.
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Second another car means more insurance. He assures me it would only be $20 more a month. When you were off work for medical reasons for awhile that “only” doesn’t sit well with me as we are still trying to catch up. It of coarse was not $20 more a month, it was more like $40 more. At the point when I found out it was too late. He had already aquired this old POS and added it onto insurance. I get the email…. Your next premium will be “x” amount of dollars with the new add on. WTF.
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It’s a 1980 something Lincoln. It’s a living room on wheels. I feel like an old lady in it.
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So he promises not to alter this vehicle. He was over that shit. I haven’t allowed him to alter our other car. Don’t do ANYTHING to it thats not required to keep it running. We have had it for 3 years without him doing any damage. Which is more than I can say for any of our past vehicles. If you know him, you know what I am talking about. If only I had pictures back then.
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Our first car a station wagon. It was brown when we got it, primer black when we released it.
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Every vehicle we had was altered in some way. I believe every car had a kick ass sterio with speakers and an amp. Probably has something to do with why I get ringing in my ears.
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So he has had the car for about a month now. Let’s see the list of alterations that aren’t mechanical required to keep it running.
- he took the rims off.
- he put a cd player in it in place of the tape deck.
- he put a hole in the back deck and added speakers and an amp to the trunk.
- he put the rims back on.
- he added a sticker to the back window, he hates stickers on cars.
- he took the rims off.
- he added a liscense plate frame with flames around it.
- he put the rims back on.
- he took the rims off.
- he painted the wheel wells.
- he did some sort of alteration to the exaust that included pvc pipe and moving shit under the hood.
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Next time I post about the car how much you wanna bet it will be a different color.
Hubby 1 Wife 0
Jun 14th
I somehow managed to get hubby to take me to Ritas one day last week. The girls were both at friends so after I made dinner hubby, son, the dog and me went to Ritas. Why did I take the dog? To get her out of the house. Really in all honesty to annoy hubby. I know he doesnt love when I take her with us and he annoyed me right before leaving by telling me he was going to fix someones air conditioner after. He announced something about getting it to go right? I ignored the question and grabbed the dog. I get pretty annoyed that he is willing to drop everything for other people. I havent seen much of him lately and this was another reason.
So I send him in to get our ice cream. I sit on the sidewalk with the dog and proceeded to eat. He didnt say a word as he must of realized I was not getting back into the car until I was done. I am such a goof. I put the dogs end leash and put it between my legs. I took a picture of me feeding my dog some of my ice cream and posted it to facebook. I then proceeded to take a few bites myself while I read some facebook statuses. Here is an example of how technology is too much involved in our lives. As I am reading facebook a motercycle goes by, the dog barks and starts to run, I toss my cell on the concrete while yelling. Luckily the dog stopped dead in her tracks and my phone was fine. My ice cream however was not fine…… Time to go home. Hubby wins.
Personally
Jan 27th
I don’t think I have written anything personal on here for awhile.
One thing I will note is I have been fixing my blog. Some of the pics were hosted on the blog before I started this one. I guess the importer didn’t do a very good job. So some pics didn’t work at all and I want them all hosted in one place. So I have been working on putting all my pics the way I want them, not the way the importer placed them. If you have visited any old pages that would explain the missing pics. I am doing as many as I can over the weekends and hope to finish soon.
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The Good
- My house is warm.
- I have food.
- My kids are awesome!
- I have a job.
- The co-worker friend and I made up at our work party. I approached her about the issue and all she told me was someone told her I was talking about her. She couldn’t recall what was said. It felt like high school. I have no idea what I did wrong, and it’s very likely it was made up to get us mad at each other, but I don’t know. I am a pretty upfront person and I told her that if she ever has an issue to just ask me, shit I will tell her. Although we talk at work, things are not the same. I miss hanging out with her, but I am glad that we can at least talk at work and not avoid each other anymore.
- My sister is taking me grocery shopping while the bad is happening. I am lucky to have a sister that I can count on! Thank you!!!!!!
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The Bad
- My husband got laid off, which meant they took his work truck and his cell phone.
- He didn’t apply for unemployment for almost two weeks after the fact.
- He has been hiding in his man cave in his basement depressed. He is blaming the medication he has to take for seizures. Him hiding in his man cave is nothing new.
- My youngest hasn’t been able to attend gymnastics, that is already paid for, because I have no one to take her and pick her up.
- He needs to make another doctor appointment to get the doc to sign off on the papers for him to drive, but keeps putting it off.
- We are arguing alot. I keep reminding him of things he needs to do (like unemployment and doc appts) and he is getting more and more aggravated with me about that. Forget that aside from the first few days he hasn’t cooked dinner or done anything in the house. I work all day, take 2 buses home, cook dinner and try to clean up. When we both work I still did most everything in the house. He gets laid off and I still do most everything in the house. It doesn’t seem fair.
- This category could turn ugly soon. After 17 years of bullshit I am tired of bullshit. I am tired of being there no matter what, and not getting the same in return. I am tired of loving and not getting the love back.
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The Ugly
- I am not talking to one of my sisters. Right before xmas she had nasty things to say about my other sisters fiancée as well as my sister. I am very close with the other sister, always have been. She gets jealous even though she is the one who moved further away from us, doesn’t return calls, doesn’t come around or even talk to our kids. There is so much more to the story that I will not share online because it’s not my life to share but trust me she deserves to not be talked to.
- After the things she said I un-invited her to xmas dinner at my house. I wanted a happy xmas not some drama filled one.
- She in retaliation told me to take her pics off facebook. My facebook security is like fort knox. I know 90% of the people I am friends with. I don’t see my facebook photo albums as being any different than showing friends my photo albums that were over my house. I guess she really doesn’t want to be a part of the family.
- In retaliation she threatened to tell my work things I have said online. Anything on my blog having to do with work is password protected now. Some isn’t even bad, but I wanted to be safe. I did warn my boss and my dad (both part owners of the company) just to be safe. We all know that I am upfront and my boss agreed that he didn’t need to hear what she had to say and that he knows how I feel about work.
- In retaliation she said even worse things directly to my sister than she said to me.
- She said I put too much personal info online. On facebook and my blog. I stopped being so personal to think about it for awhile. I realized that she is not me and can just Frack off. I will be me as that is all I know how to be.
- I blocked her on facebook and removed her from my blogs fan page. I also had my children block her.
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So there you have the personal stuff that hasn’t been included in my blog for awhile.
If your on Twitter, you may know some of it. If your on Facebook you probably know most of it. If you know me offline you probably know all the details 
Here is to hoping that winter goes away and 2011 becomes a better year somehow. I know I have had enough drama.
Adult Friendships
Dec 17th
I have had many friendships over the years as I’m sure most people have. Some friendships end because you get into an argument, some because you just have nothing in common.
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With a good friend an argument wouldn’t get in the way. You talk about it and move on. That’s how any healthy relationship works. Sometimes you need time to cool off and think but you always find your way back.
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Unfortunatly not all relationships are healthy ones and that’s not limited to friendships but any relationship.
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I’ve lost friends for various reasons as an adult.
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* I can pinpoint one I let go of in my early 20′s. I had kids, she didn’t. It is difficult at that age when most 20 somethings want to party. Many don’t understand parenthood nor do they want to.
* I’ve cut a few people out of my life who have hurt my kids. Made promises, made them cry, etc. One thing you don’t do is mess with my kids.
* It’s been years but some friends I lost because they flirted with my husband. Openly. Big no no!
* Some people I have lost touch with. Facebook has helped get in touch with many people but we really aren’t friends anymore. Posting on someones wall isn’t the same as talking in person. Posting Happy Birthday isn’t the same as going out to celebrate it. It’s so hard to reconnect with people you only Facebook with. You really need to take the friendship outside of the internet world.
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Some of these people I would never talk to again. I hold grudges when I feel it’s warrented. Hurting my kids, hitting on my husband, those are grudge holding worthy.
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I’ve reacently lost a friend. Could you guess that? I knew her for almost two years, worked with her, hung out with her, invited her to dinner and my kids birthday. It sucks loosing a friend especially when you never thought it could happen. When you think everything is going great. One day she stopped talking to me, stopped answering my texts, went out of her way to avoid me. I noticed it, even asked her about it. I was assured nothing was wrong at one time but I know it was a lie. I think I figured out why, but that doesn’t matter as she choose to ignore it and not deal with it. So that is over now.
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Loosing family is even harder.
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I am hopefully on to greater things and new friends. I look forward to new things life may bring me.
The Living Room
Dec 14th
The living room. The never ending, dreaded project that is haunting me.
It’s an improvement considering what it looked like after we took the paneling off. Hell it’s an improvement from what we started with, panelling.
But it’s not finished. I feel like it never will be finished. Our target date was by the time the furniture was being delivered. He stayed up all night and me until 5:30 am the night before. Once I went to bed I think he gave up.
The furniture is beautiful and most importantly comfortable. My previous couch was like sitting on a log.
So what else could go wrong? The end tables have minor damage. The love seat has black spots on one side and a small tear. The best part? It’s from Roomful Express. Three days after my furniture was deluvered the news announces they are going out of business. Think they have returned me calls in the midst of their liquidation? No.
Ugh I just want it to be over. Until it is we have no Xmas decorations up, no lights, and no tree. It’s killing my holiday spirit. Guess who is having the family over for Xmas dinner?
Yup.
Family
Nov 28th
Most of my family knows about my blog, weather they read it is another story. Hubby’s family I have never told, except his sister knows cause she is on Facebook tho I don’t know that she reads it. We really don’t talk to his family all that much so it really isn’t an issue. But with my family knowing about it I try to keep them out of what I blog about. I figure anything I am about to post is only going to piss people off that I don’t talk to anyway so no biggie. Just don’t tell my mother about it, I am not allowed to mention her on the internet remember?
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I’ve struggled over the years with my parents. I didn’t see my father that much especially once he moved to Florida when I was a kid. I was told many things about him but I could never understand how others felt as I never saw that side of my dad. So I don’t know if I was being lied to to try and spite him or if I just never saw it. I remember my dad well and wished I had spent more time with him before he passed away. I blamed him for not allowing anyone to tell me when he was sick so that I could spend time with him. I blamed myself for not putting more of an effort into seeing him. But I am glad that I remember the good things about him. And while it was the most difficult thing I ever had to do I am glad I was there when he passed on.
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My mom, whom I love dearly, is difficult. She is very negative but the positive side of that is you always know where you stand with her and how she feels. She holds nothing back. She tends to think she is the only right one in how to live, behave, dress, you name it. I used to fight and scream at her on the phone. I used to hang up crying at the things she said. I had to learn to let go as it wasn’t good for me. It took many years to learn to accept that she won’t change all I can do is love her, she is my mother. There have been a few times where she has crossed the line with my kids and those times weren’t taken lightly. Sometimes I didn’t talk to her for months. We definitely have a better relationship now than we did years ago and I am thankful for that.
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My step father gave me a bit of a hard time growing up. Ok more than a bit, but I have let go of all that. He wasn’t very nice to me when I was a kid. I think he felt obligated to financially care for me and it pissed him off. I recall him wanting to adopt me when I was a child and I said no. I couldn’t do that to my dad. I think that upset him. I really don’t know. Once I had grown up and moved out of the house we have a much better relationship. I think it was also easier for me to treat him like he is my dad when my dad had passed on. He knew I needed a father and I am glad he can be that. I am very thankful to have him in my life.
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I have always wanted a big family. I had imagined myself having more than 3 children unfortunatly my husband didn’t share that idea. It’s a bit of a shame that neither of our family’s do family reunion or big holiday gathering things. If they do we don’t know about it. I tried for a few years having everyone over christmas eve. We invited my mom and step-dad, both of my sisters, my grandparents, Chris’s mom and step-dad and his step dads mother over a couple years in a row. I cooked, baked and was excited about having everyone together at once. One year I even made homemade ornaments for everyone. Unfortunately I think it became a contest between our sets of parents on who could buy more for the kids. Not what I wanted at all. I stopped having his parents over with mine.
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When I met hubby he didn’t speak to his parents. He was living with a friends family and is a long story that doesn’t need told. He wound up calling and telling his mom and step-dad about us. I met them at some point and they were very nice. Hubby decided to go to the military and I got together with his parents while he was away. We had a good relationship over the years. They always wanted to see the kids and spend time with them when they were younger. They used to take them for a week in the summer to give us a break. Something happened somewhere and it seemed to have slowly started after our 3rd child was born. They have always treated her differently. She was too young to go places with them, she was too much of a pain to have overnight. They would make promises that she was next for a sleepover but that next time didn’t come. I tried to stay positive about it mostly because it was a sore spot for hubby. He never wanted to talk about it. The gifts for my oldest became more expensive and the most lavish while the other two, well, didn’t seem thought of much. Honestly I think they cling more to my oldest because they think she needs “saved”. I really am shocked after them pushing bible school on my kids for their week vacation at their house that my youngest decided to this year to be baptized catholic. She hated bible school. They would tell us that she couldn’t spend the week with them if she didn’t go and she was pissed. I think she needed to make that decision, not it be forced on her. I do think it is good for her though and supported her decision to do that. Even more wild she wanted my in-laws to be one of her god parents and sponsor. I hope she didn’t choose it in hopes to be closer to them. If she did I don’t think it worked once the ceremony was over.
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Hubby has spoken to his father off and on over the years. His step mother is a bitch. Plain and simple. I never liked her or the things she would say when we went to their house. We have barely spoken to them over the years which seemed to stem from something so trivial as a baby shower. My mother threw me a baby shower for my first daughter. Step-mom wasn’t invited. She didn’t want the tension between her and hubby’s mom. She apparently was pissed and said she had a gift for the baby but since she wasn’t invited we weren’t getting it. We made attempts anyway to keep them in our lives but we talked to them less and less. I think it’s sad that his father had to sneak out to see us so she wouldn’t know and it’s sad he didn’t stand up to her for his son. My kids barely know him. I found his sister on Facebook and have talked to her and we managed a few get together’s since. Of coarse his wife couldn’t know about it except the few times my husband went to his house. Other than bringing my kids to his sisters birthday outing at Dave and Busters he hasn’t seen them nor has invited us all over just hubby. Sadly we never felt a part of the family on that side. Hubby felt more like that side of the family so I know it hurts him.
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Can a relationship be healed after all these years? I know it can as I have done it with my own family. However it takes both sides willing to work on it for it to happen. It’s not perfect but it’s not gone. If you have the chance, try. I wish I had more time with my father before he passed on. I wish my kids knew him better than they did. My kids are growing up fast. Two are teens and it’s sad they didn’t have all their relatives in their lives. People who are alive and well.
I think part of my healing process is dealing with all this. As you get older you wish there were things you could change but more so you start to hope it’s not too late. Anything could happen, anyone could go just like that. For me being with family is more important than your job, your clean house, anything.
My next goal for my family is to try and have a relationship with my fathers family that still lives in Florida. I am happy I found so many of them on Facebook I just don’t know how to reach out to them and begin a relationship with them outside of Facebook.
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Take all of our experiences and turn that into us as parents. Were not perfect, no one is. However we have used that all into how we raise our kids. Spending time with them has always come first, at least for me. They are my world. I want my kids to talk to me, I want them to be able to have love and compassion for people, I want them to enjoy life. I think I have given that to them and hope that they appreciate that. I hope that I am always close with them no matter our differences.
All in one
Nov 24th
I have been busy. Probably not really the busy your thinking. Sure I have had busy days such as shopping Saturday for myself for once and grocery shopping Sunday. I have been busy being a worn down, pissed off, PITA. Re-doing the living room is wearing on me. It has been torn apart for about two weeks now and it’s barley been touched since we started. We have the TV, love seat and a chair left in that room kinda squashed in the middle so we could work around it. The dining room is full of what was in the dining room and what used to be in the living room. It’s just not getting done and new furniture is going to be delivered early December. I am getting pissed. Things I can’t even talk about online are going on and I am just tired of life getting screwed up. I am tired of not being able to talk about it. I am tired of feeling like “This is my life and it won’t ever get better.”
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One of the problems we did run into is the wiring after pulling the paneling off. Check this beautiful work out………
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I was going up this hill one day last week and it was a beautiful yellow. The tree’s, sidewalks, everything was a blanket of yellow. I wish I had taken a picture that day but didn’t get my camera out in time. I figured the next day it would still be there. Of coarse that night we had a wind storm that took most of the fall leaves off the tree’s. It was still yellow, just no where near as much as the day before. Use your imagination to add more to the picture….
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I didn’t know cats and dogs could get along so well until we put our two together. We have had the cat since he was a kitten and the dog we got this year. They are around the same age, about 15 months old. You should see them play with each other. At first we thought they were hurting each other but they roll all over the floor every morning. Here you can see them sharing a food bowl.
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I went to Light Up Night in Downtown Pittsburgh last Friday.
It was crowded. So crowded you couldn’t really do anything. You could barely walk around.
I managed to get a pic of the tree at the ice rink.
I called some guy an asshole. I apologize to all the children that had to hear me. He still was an asshole.
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I haven’t gone down to see the holiday windows in many years and it was Kaufman’s then. I remember the displays being of Christmas nature. I have some pictures on my phone but am unsuccessful at the moment emailing them to myself to show you. Someone put alot of work into them, they are paper scenes. They are not Christmas or holiday themed at all! Was a huge disappointment.
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There was a shooting right as we were leaving. Police cars just started pouring into town. I knew something had to have happened but didn’t know what until later that night at home. I don’t think I will be taking my children down there for an evening event again. It’s just not worth it. All we did was try to get through the crowd. That’s it. My mom wasn’t thrilled to hear I called some guy an asshole. She warned me that I could get shot.
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We walked to Station Square where we watched fireworks.
Life is Good
Nov 8th
I have been such a busy bee lately. I think my attempting to have a new outlook on life/work and my quitting smoking is causing all sorts of effects.
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* I am doing well at work. And yes I am telling myself what I said I should in the morning. I stood in the shower this morning and just before getting out I said out loud, “I have a good job, I have the best health insurance, I will only worry about myself.” If any guys are reading this they skipped over what I said to myself and are just thinking about a chick standing naked in the shower. You know I am right.
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* I have been cleaning out my house and buying lots of new things for the house. For the past 8 years we have decided not to put money into the house. It’s a big pile of S H I T that we call the money pit. We know we plan on moving down South eventually. We don’t have a set time but it will happen. We also know we will have a hard time selling the house therefore we don’t want to put money into it we won’t get back out of it. So we just buy nice stuff and plan on giving the kids the house when we move if they wanna stay here.
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I am tired of putting nice things in a house that looks like a big pile of S H I T. Cause it doesn’t change how it looks. It’s like painting white over a dirty wall. Eventually that dirt is gonna come through the new paint.
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Last night hubby and I went to Home Depot. We bought enough drywall for the living room and paint for the living room and dining room. That paneling is finally not going to stare at me, haunt me. I painted ugly dark brown paneling yellow years ago. I didn’t have enough paint and never finished. I didn’t have enough money to get anymore. It looks like A S S and I can’t wait to have 4 walls. Next is Pergo floor! The carpet is disgusting and very old.
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I am a dumb ass. When we told the guy what color we wanted I gave him my sample and didn’t ask for it back. It’s a very light creamy tan and is the primer and paint all in one. I was so well behaved in the store. The young people working the paint counter pretty much ignored me and the one girl took another customer before me. The typical raging bitch in me would have flipped out on her. It was either not allow people to just pass me by, flip out, then go have a smoke. OR Be patient, don’t loose my cool and the anger will pass much quicker. I just stood there and waited patiently.
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We got all the drywall into the house and 1 sheet is the wrong thickness. I sure hope we don’t need it. Hubby set everything up. He used to paint and wallpaper when I met him so he bought professional paint brushes and everything has to be just so. I bought a tiny blue bucket cause I’m a girl. Actually I am painting bookshelves in the living room so I needed it. Honestly though the girl in me just though it was too cute not to have and thought of other uses for it when I am done painting.
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I think working on this project together will be good for us. We need to learn to communicate more and we need to spend more time together. I have to start clearing things out today and getting started.
