I have 3 very awesome kids.
They may not have had everything, but they had love. They had me. They turned out pretty damn good if you ask me.

I’ve always wanted more kids. I was the type of person that wanted nothing more out of life than to be a mom. I never longed for a career or to travel the world.

I knew when I was with my ex that he didn’t want anymore kids. Which was probably a good idea considering. He made sure he couldn’t have anymore right after our 3rd was born almost 14 years ago. I gave up hope and moved on.

My sweetie and I have discussed the idea since he has no children of his own and I’m sure his family would be interested in the idea of him having one.

I know how he feels about the subject. I could tell you his thoughts but this is about me. HA! Naw its not my place to speak for him here.
But how do I feel about it?
I really don’t know.

Hell No Option: I have 3 great kids. I don’t have to change diapers or get up in the middle of the night. No crying, screaming or tantrums from the likes of a toddler. I can come and go as I please. I have enough things to worry about financially. My body isn’t getting any younger. I had easy pregnancies, yeah I am one of those, but at my age now would it be so easy. Would I be the same kind of mother I was?

Awww how adorable option: Then the thoughts of that bundle of joy roll in. That sweet tiny human you can mold into a model citizen. The cute things they do and say. Knowing that my sweetie would make a great dad. Seriously when I flew to meet him I saw it. While swimming in the hotel pool he started to play with another family’s kids in the pool. It was the cutest thing ever. Baby’s in the grocery store catch his eye.

When I moved I left everyone I knew with babies and toddlers. So I don’t get any baby fixes anymore. Though i wonder if thats what made me want it more.

Shout out: I miss my sweet little munchkin that I watched grow up and is now in school. I miss you Ava!!!

So far I am letting fate take its course and I think I am okay with that. Fate brought me here where I am happy. Eventually I will reach my personal cut off level in age and have to decide if I am content with my decision.