Posts tagged anxiety
I Quit
Jan 5th
After almost two years on Prozac I stopped taking it. It helped me through one of the worst times in my life but it was time to let go.
It’s been over 2 months now since I quit and I couldn’t feel better.
My life changes have plenty to do with it but I feel so much better about myself.
I feel free. No panic attacks. No depression. Just ….. Roxy 
Wishing good mental health to all my readers.
Ever had that feeling?
Oct 17th
Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen? It has happened to me many times over the years.
One in particular in the past was while driving on the highway something horrible came over me and I told my husband to get off the highway. I didn’t know if it was just my anxiety or what but he actually listened and we never found out if I was just nuts or if anything happened. I don’t think I really wanted to know.
The night before my dog died last year both me and my youngest daughter felt something was off.
It usually doesn’t happen that often but reacently it happened twice. I never know if it’s my immediate family or someone else close to us.
Last weekend I was supposed to go on a camping trip in Ohio. Unfortunatly I wound up with bronchitis with a touch of pneumonia early in the week and sent my family without me. I had a bad feeling the night before they left but was hoping everything was ok and didn’t want to freak them out by telling them. As it happens I was meant to stay home for a very good friend of mine who needed me. Once she was okay and with me the feeling went away.
This past Sunday I woke up with that feeling. I knew something was going to go wrong. My daughter babysat for a good friend of ours only to have her call us to pick her up as he was injured in an ATV accident. He is okay but when I heard that I knew my bad feelings from that morning had let loose. The creepy part is my yougest again told me she felt something that morning as well.
Once I know what the bad thing is I feel better. Not better as in I am happy but my mental state is better because I feel like I don’t have to worry anymore.
Everything happens for a reason. I just hate waking up and spending my day worrying, waiting until something bad happens. I wish there was something I could do to know, to stop things from happening but most often I can’t and can just be there for the aftermath.
Am I nuts? Is it some womens intuition? Is there something out there telling me something? Again, am I nuts?
Public Transportation
May 1st
It’s a wonder why I have severe bus anxiety. For some reason when I ride public transportation there are weirdo’s abound.
I go from one ghetto neighborhood to another on my way home from work stopping downtown in between.
You know it’s not a good sign when the bus stop has an emergency button.
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Sometimes my experiences are hilarious. Sometimes they are frightening.
Isn’t this guy hot as hell? I just love me a guy who looks like he has been at a fishing luau and doesn’t fit into his shirt.
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I post many of my bus thoughts on my facebook wall. One day I posted……
“Omg this bus to home will make the boobies hard. Its freezing!”
My children informed me that it made them uncomfortable.
I don’t get what is so bad about what I said. I say plenty and they never said anything before. O well.
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Then you have a kid wandering down the east busway and his mom or whomever she was busy on her cell phone. She didn’t notice what he was doing until a bus came pretty close to him. She finally got off her phone, walked towards him, yelled at him and proceeded to smack his hand over and over. He should have never gotten as far as he did. Supervision = FAIL.
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One day I had my earphones in minding my own business when this very large man comes up to me and started talking to me. He was carrying a large duffel bag and one of his hands had like a kitchen prep glove on it. Creepy. He was telling me about getting in trouble at work for sexual harassment and just kept getting closer to me. He would tap me and say “You know?” Of coarse as much as I wanted to tell him “Leave me the fuck alone!” I knew better. I just laughed and nodded every now and then hoping the bus would come and he wouldn’t follow me home.
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I’ve had a few other people just sit next to me at the bus stop and telling me their life story’s. One of said guys asked me alot of questions about myself and I tried to be very vague in my answers without being rude and not answering at all. You just never know how someone might react when you let on you think they are nuts and don’t want to talk to them. This guy insisted on sitting next to me on the bus all the way into town talking my ear off, oh joy.
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I have many overweight friends and family. I have nothing against size in anyone. I do however have a problem with people thinking that because they don’t fit into the seat next to me it gives them the right to sit ON me. Yes, people have sat on me. I move around to announce how uncomfortable I am but they don’t take a hint. Just because I am smaller does not give you the right to sit on me! If you can’t fit that’s your problem. I swear I am a magnet for this.
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Let’s not forget about the teenagers who pile onto the bus and punch the back of seats for fun and talk extremely loud. Or the people on their cell phone yelling at whomever is on the end loud enough for everyone on the bus to here everything. Or how about the idiot talking loudly about his sex life to someone on his cell. Or the teenage girl sucking her thumb.
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Recently was the wildest experience I can ever recall having. I usually sit in the middle of the bus somewhere but I had to sit in the back as the previous bus didn’t show up so this one was pretty full. My son also boarded this bus on his way home from school and was sitting near me. As we left town the man sitting in front of me got up and asked for everyone’s attention. He was wearing this jacket with the hood over his head. He went on to say that he was not crazy and not on drugs. My heart was beating so fast. I immediately thought that he had a gun and was going to take the bus over or something, rob us, kill us, I didn’t know but I thought the worst. He told us that we were in the presence of an angel and that if we had illnesses to give him our information and he would help us. He sat down. I let out a sigh of relief but still was nervous. He then got up, knelt down in the isle of the bus and began to pray. I took a photo and posted it to facebook, just in case he did something crazy.
He sat back down but soon got up again and addressed everyone on the bus. He said he can’t believe that no one needs help. Do we realize we are in the presence of an angel? I was praying. Praying that he would get off the bus! Luckily he did not long after that and everyone on the bus was talking about it. They all felt what I did, that he may pull out a gun and go nuts.
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Maybe I should learn how to drive. I wonder how much crazier the other drivers are compared to the other bus riders.
F**K it all
Apr 21st
As many of my readers know…. Wait I have readers? Well, maybe I did but I’m not so sure anymore. Anyway you may know that I had anxiety issues and started taking medication. I gave a few updates then I disappeared from my blog. I haven’t posted any of my week in photo’s hell I am lucky if I took many photo’s.
I stopped posting on Twitter. Of coarse there are a few random and annoying posts from foursquare or Getglue about things I may be doing or watching and don’t feel like telling Twitter anything else.
Facebook I have been faithful to. It’s like crack. I call it Facecrack. So while I may still be on Facecrack I wasn’t posting every little thing anymore. I used to post when I was pissed, annoyed, outraged, ecstatic, bored, whatever. Everyone knew everything. Well okay not everything. Only what the world could handle. What stopped me from posting everything? I believe it is the magick medication I am taking. They really need to call Prozac Fukitol.
I think I am on to stage 3 on the about page.
Euphoria induced, where you realize that life is a journey and not a destination. Where you dream as if you’ll live forever, but live as if you’ll die today.
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It’s good and it’s bad.
F**CK it all.
Time to Adjust
Mar 9th
I went to the Home & Garden show this past weekend. I purchased a few things and wished I had purchased a few more. I may go back this weekend. We will see.
While there I filled out a form to try and win tickets to this years Best Restaurants Party. Crossing my fingers! I absolutely loved last years! I can’t afford $100 tickets. Willing to blog for tickets 
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My kitty is missing. We took him in when he was only 6 weeks old. He was hard of hearing and had sinus problems but my children all fell in love with him. They miss him dearly as does the dog, yes the dog and cat played together every day.
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We have a new hamster, a Chinese Dwarf Hamster. I want to name her Wonton but my youngest doesn’t like it.
The kids dad came up with Nugget, my oldest came up with Joey because it looks like a mini kangaroo. Well the youngest doesn’t like any of the names we picked out.
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I am adjusting. To my medication and to my life.
I didn’t post last weeks photography blog. I will guess that I have pics for 2-3 days tops. I will post them soon though this week is looking bleak as well.
I still have 3 posts to write about The Worst Cooks in America. I have notes on the last 3 episodes.
I am forgetting many things lately and allowing some things to get backed up.
But it’s not all bad. I feel better. I feel more normal. In time I think everything will fall into place.
When something worry’s me or I have a pain I don’t go into severe panic mode anymore. I am thankful for that.
There are periods of time that I have spaced out a little, even felt really off, but the more time that goes on the better I feel.
If anything better than before, so thats good.
