Now I am not saying women should be treated like dirt or expected to have sex with a man because that is her duty. However I do not believe men and women are “equal”. We have different body parts and different emotions. We are all human and as humans should be treated right.

I feel that each man and woman should define who they are. Period.

I want to take care of my family. I want to cook and clean for them. It’s how I show them I care. I get great joy from putting together a meal for dinner that isn’t frozen or delivered. It saddens me that I can’t do more. The world we live in today requires that women work and earn a paycheck. I fault the feminist movement for that. While other women are getting what they want I don’t. It’s a reality I have to live with but not one I am happy about. I think women should be able to work but I hate that the world we live in practically requires it. There should be more women who can choose to be at home raising their kids.

I don’t believe we belong in a caveman era and appreciate the help of my significant other and my children. There are rights we should all have such as voting but the need to care for the people I love is taken away by the hours I spend earning a paycheck to put food on the table. That in a way is taking care of my family but to me… It shouldn’t be.

What are your thoughts on feminism?

Marriage is two things.

#1 It is a legal commitment.  It allows the couple to make legal decions for each other such as medical decisions, you can file taxes together, benefits upon ones death, etc.

#2 It is an emotional commitment.  You are telling each other that you want to always take care of each other.   That a fight isn’t going to cause one to leave the other.  That you will work together through the good and the bad.

Gay, straight or bi doesn’t change either of those two.

You can make marriage a religious event, but you don’t have to.  Straight people get married without being under god every day.  People who marry in a church is no guarantee that the couple will last, nor will it guarantee that either spouse is truly religious at all.

Not all straight people have children together.  Some choose not to, some aren’t able to.  Children should not be a factor in weather a couple should be allowed to marry.  Marriage is a commitment between two people, children may or may not come with that and is a separate discussion.

No one has to get married.  Getting married for legal reasons is a bonus but the emotional reasons don’t mean people have to get married either.   Two people can happily live together, take care of each other and not get married.  Getting married is a choice and all people should have that choice.

If people want to be married who in the hell does anyone think they are to stop them just because of who they are and who they love?   A gay couple is NOT hurting your marriage unless your significant other is having sex with one of them.  They are not stopping you from getting married, staying married, or having children together.  They are not taking away any of your rights.  Stop taking away the rights of others.

States that currently recognize gay marriage:

Connecticut

Delaware

Iowa

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Minnesota – Aug 1, 2013

New York

Rhode Island

Vermont

Washington

Washington DC

I hope to see all the states on that list in the hopefully near future!

As an added bonus thought:  Gay children were most likely a product of two straight parents.

Do you think your not creative enough? It doesn’t have to be anything at all really you can just pour paint on the paper and swirl it around. Your not trying to be Picasso, you are letting your feelings out so just go with whatever happens.

If you feel you must have some inspiration you can try a book. Here are two that I own and have found some good ideas from them. My stuff never turns out how the people in the book make it and that is ok!

The Journal Junkies Workshop: Visual Ammunition for the Art Addict

Raw Art Journaling

You can also search the internet. I have found myself spending a couple hours just searching ideas in preparation for when I need it. Save yourself some time and check out my pinterest board for Art Inspiration. I have a variety of pins including quotes and tutorials.

What do you need?
You can use whatever is in your home. Paper, #2 pencils, crayons, cardboard. The possibilities are endless.

Since this is for therapy and not to make money my supplies are pretty basic. It started out small and grew as I tried different mediums and decided I liked using them.
Here is a list of supplies I have on hand at all times:

These notebooks allow many different media types. I paint with acrylic, water color, draw with pencil, micron pens, etc. Makes it easier to have one book for everything.
* Canson 9-Inch by 12-Inch Extra Long Multi-Media Paper Pad, 60-Sheet

To me these are the best drawing pencils.
* Faber-Castell 9000 Pencil Design Set

Student paint and the price was right. I also love the color choices! I don’t often have to mix colors other than maybe making a color lighter.
* Studio 71 – 24 Tube Paint Set

I purchased these brushes when I lived in Pittsburgh and haven’t been able to find them anywhere in Sarasota. I have a couple different packs so I should be good for awhile. Just get something cheap but not natural hair as it tends to come out in the paint.
* Studio 71 Premium Brushes

This is basic canvas and the price isn’t bad.
* Darice Studio 71 8-Inch-by-10-Inch Traditional Canvas

* Darice Studio 71 14-Inch-by-18-Inch Traditional Canvas

Sponges are great for making a textured look on acrylic.
* Arts & Crafts Painting Sponges

Watercolor paper is expensive so I only have this 6×6 pad so far.
* Global Art Fluid Watercolor Blocks 6 in. x 6 in. block

Instead of washing out a plastic palette I use these sheets and just throw them away when I am done.
* Darice Studio 71 9-Inch-by-12-Inch, 40-Sheet Palette

These are great pens for zentangle and journaling. I have a couple different sized black ones and some color ones as well.
* Sakura 30068 8-Piece Pigma Micron Clam Assorted Colors 01 Ink Pen Set

Charcoal pencils are messy but one of my favorite things to work with.
* General Pencil Charcoal Pencil Kit W/Eraser 557BP

When I draw with charcoal I use this eraser to remove some of the charcoal to create lines.
* Pentel Clic Eraser Grip Retractable Eraser with Grip, Assorted Barrels, 1 Pack (ZE21BP-K6)

I sometimes use colored pencils with my pencil and charcoal drawing just to give it a little color.
* Prismacolor Premier Colored Pencils, 24 Assorted Color Pencils

So go get messy, it’s ok! Make some art!

March 3, 2013 I walked out of the hospital not remembering where I was. I saw palm trees and realized, “Oh yeah, I live in Florida.” I only moved here last year and I felt like I was in another world after all the hours I laid in the hospital bed at Sarasota Memorial Hospital just a few blocks from where I live.

I started having pain a few days before, then spotting. I went to the hospital I had planned on delivering at in hopes of finding out what was going on. I have had 3 births in my younger years and never had problems like this. That hospital trip left me even more confused and unsure of what was going on. First a guy drew blood. I am afraid of needles and he took so long and wouldn’t shut up. He insisted on taking blood from a vein in my hand. That vein is now puffy days later. Once I was in a room a registration guy game in and took some info. He also did a palm scan. I had never heard of a hospital doing that before. He said it was to keep records secure and easily accessible for future visits. He asked for typical information such as my address and insurance information. We didn’t get to finish since the doctor came in but said he would return later. He never did. The doctor diagnosed me with a UTI and said it was normal for some ppl to not have any symptoms. When asked about the pain and bleeding he said that it could be an early miscarriage but he saw no blood and said I should be fine. He gave me a 90% to deliver to full term and said my HCG of 4016 was normal for 10 weeks. I didn’t see him again after that.

I waited in the room for some time. A cleaning guy came in and emptied both the regular trash and the red bag trash into the same bin he was rolling around. Tell me what the point of having them separate is if they get tossed out together anyway? He didn’t even put new bags in so some trash was left behind in the used bag.

I felt like this was such a wasted trip. No other tests, no ultrasound and sent me on my way. It was around 5am at that point. I was exhausted but knew something wasn’t right. I spent that day in more pain than when I went to the ER but eventually it went away so I tried to stay hopeful.

When I woke up on the final day I laid in bed for what felt like hours in what was the worst pain I’ve ever had. I couldn’t move and my boyfriend told me I had to go back to the ER. I don’t know that I could really even think right at the time.

We arrived and checked in at the hospital and the worst part of the pain seemed to be over. I sat in the waiting room exhausted. I was too tired to even talk at times so my boyfriend answered many questions for me.
First they drew blood again. I made it clear I didn’t want him to take it from my hand and how displeased I was with the last guy. He said they don’t like to use the hand and mentioned the guy from the other night was a fireman. After some time had passed I was wheeled to ultrasound. The entire time the technician was quiet. She didn’t show me the screen at any point. I knew that couldn’t be a good sign. After being in the waiting room awhile longer I was taken to a room where I spent a few more hours of my day.

A doctor came in and said my tests weren’t ready yet and that he would be back when they all were. He gave me his business card. Ummmm ok

I got a visit from a different registration guy than the other day. When I mentioned I was there a few days ago he did a palm scan to pull up my information. He mentioned he was going to retake my picture. I was shocked and said, “What?!” He said the picture they had wasn’t good. That the last guy took it from too far away and had my boyfriend and the entire room in it. I told him I had no idea they guy even took a picture. I also told him he never came back to the room. He said he would make sure someone knew about that as he should have informed me. I mentioned the doctor giving me his business card and he said,

“You should see some of these doctors have huge cards with pictures and everything.”

He held up his hand demonstrating the size of an oversized index card. All i could do was shake my head. Ego much? I signed a form saying my information was correct and off he went. Not long after a lady came in and informed me that she was the lead registration technician. She asked about my visit with the other guy and I told her. She then showed me a piece of paper like the one I had just signed and asked if I saw it before or signed it. No! The first guy forged my signature! I really hope he got fired. I’m flabbergasted!

The nurses also had left another patients urine in the room. I made them remove it. I’m so not pleased with this hospital.

About an hour passed by and the doctor returned with a nurse. It appeared as if they were going to do an exam. As if it was no big deal he said I had miscarried and continued on with the exam, while I was in tears. He then said my levels were even lower than the other night. I was in shock and mentioned not being able to see the ultrasound and his response was,

“Thats not her responsibility.”

When he was done he left the room. So cold.

He stayed away for awhile while I cried. Luckily my boyfriend was right there by my side. This answer was not what he was expecting. I suspected but wouldn’t allow myself to believe it.

The doctor once again returned and was asked about the UTI. He said untreated it could be why. Really?!?!? I had no symptoms and I don’t know but I felt like he was placing blame. I told him about the doctor the other day giving me a 90% rating and saying my levels were normal. He said the doctor diagnosed correctly and he agreed. Then added that even if they knew there was nothing they could have done to stop it. I just wanted to punch this guy in the face.

I had a visit from another doctor who informed me that this was no ones fault and they were waiting to talk to an OB to see what to do from here as there was still some tissue left.

More waiting……

The first doctor eventually returned and said the OB said I could go home and let it pass on my own. He said he would get me discharged very soon.

More waiting……..

And more waiting…….

At this point I was ready to rip the IV out and just go home.
My boyfriend went to the nurse. Apparently the doctor never told them to release me! She made sure to find out if I was being released and did my paperwork ASAP. As she tool the IV out she leaned over and said,

“I’m really sorry.”

For her kindness I thank her. As she was the only one who really was.

I now struggle to hold back the tears. I don’t want to look at my body for I will see the unbloated belly and my boobs that are already back to normal. I know eventually I will be okay. I have the most wonderful man to support me. It will take time.

The next step is deciding if we want to risk going through this again and try before I’m too old (in my own mind). Whatever we decide I am happy and more in love with him everyday.

If you made it through this story, thank you for listening. If this has happened to you, I’m truly am sorry

This is soothing to me

If you feel the need to say anything to me about this matter….. Hugs are nice, I’m sorry is cool, but what I really want and need is laughter. Post it here or on Facebook. Pics, videos, whatever. I won’t complain that you plastered my wall with 10 hilarious videos, not one bit! Make me laugh for laughter is the best medicine.

Prepare to laugh!

I love that you kiss my forehead. There is just something so sweet about it.

I love the way you look at me. I can feel your love and your passion through your eyes.

I love that you hold my hand. Our fingers fit perfectly together.

I love your smile. It tells me you are as happy as I am.

I love that you take care of me. I don’t even have to ask you do it because you want to.

Most of all I love the way you love me. You know how to make me feel on top of the world. I love you too <3

My first marriage not only turned out to be a disaster there really was no wedding. We were married at the local magistrate. At the time I thought I didn’t care but in the end I really did. The biggest problem was I got married for the wrong reasons.

My needs are small but to me they are important.

• I want to be asked properly and for the right reasons. Yes I am a sap when it comes to that.
• I want a small outdoor wedding that is not religious. My love of nature and the breeze blowing my hair and my dress.
• Close family and friends are the only people needed to attend. I refuse to invite more people for the gifts. I also don’t love a huge crowd.
• I want to wear a beautiful dress. It doesn’t have to be a ball gown or even white, just an actual wedding dress.
• I want it to be a day of fun for everyone. I want food and dancing. I want it to showcase love.

I have very simple requests.
You don’t need anything to be happy, but I think it’s important to have a day of celebration of each other. Not just a 15 min event in court in between hearings. Maybe it’s because of my first marriage. Maybe it’s because I’m a chick and in all honesty girls dream of their wedding day. Do I have a pinterest board dedicated to wedding stuff? I plead the 5th LOL what girl doesn’t? You won’t find mine

Do I ever have to get married again? No, I don’t. I would rather live with the love of my life in sin than get married for the wrong reasons and regret it.

I feel alive.
It reflects in everything I do. I think more often before I speak. I wear brighter clothes. I look forward to waking up everyday.

YOU brought out the best in me my love <3. Thank you!

I am happy, don’t get me wrong.  I love my sweetie, I have 3 wonderful kids, and I live in paradise.

I wouldn’t change any of that.

What more could I want?

How about a job that pays me what I am worth for starters.

I bust my ass in a retail job where I don’t have a set schedule and almost never have a full time schedule.  The pay sucks, communication sucks, but I do enjoy the actual work.  I work days, nights, and weekends depending upon what they schedule me for. Sometimes I have to stay late, on last minutes notice that occasionally puts me at a 10 plus hour shift.  Sometimes I get asked to work on my day off.  Sometimes I have 15 hours.  I never know if I will be able to pay my bills from paycheck to paycheck.  Because of the hours I can’t work another part time job without risking loosing hours at my current job since they change so often. I have no benefits and most likely won’t ever be full time or qualify for benefits.

Many of my readers know my previous job was a bit dysfunctional   Yeah, that is putting it mid.  We don’t need to go there but it was bad.   I only got this job to put my daughter through private school.

Before that I was a mother and volunteer.  I didn’t finish college.  My daughter was struggling with her own education at a young age and It was more important to help her than finish myself.  I gained some great experience as a volunteer that while many employers find wonderful they don’t seem to allow my skills gained there to be transfered to a career.  That is my perspective.

I have a dream of opening a coffee/bake shop.  I have started research and started working on a business plan.  I don’t know if I can pull it off.  Yes, I have some doubt.  Should I continue if I have doubt?  I have doubt that I will ever get an investor.  It is so much work and for what?  If it takes me nowhere is it worth it?

I chose to be a mom.  I chose  not to worry about a career.  Never in that time did I envision that my life would be so different that I would need a job.  Now that I am nearing 40 I am worried.  Worried that all I will have is crappy, low paying jobs, with no insurance and expected to kill myself for that pay check.

I have thought about going back to school.  I have thought long and hard about that business of mine I want to run.  I am confused on where to go.  In the meantime I struggle to pay the bills, and be able to pay for medical attention when I need it.  I had lived in a ghetto in Pittsburgh for over 10 years.  I lived with a moron of a husband in a run down house.  I had no ambition other than I wanted my kids to have better than I did.  I knew what to expect and it wasn’t much.   I have since moved on.  I left that moron and run down house and moved far, far away.  Trying to survive outside the ghetto is harder than I ever thought.

I’ve always wanted more kids. I was the type of person that wanted nothing more out of life than to be a mom. I never longed for a career or to travel the world.

I knew when I was with my ex that he didn’t want anymore kids. Which was probably a good idea considering. He made sure he couldn’t have anymore right after our 3rd was born almost 14 years ago. I gave up hope and moved on.

My sweetie and I have discussed the idea since he has no children of his own and I’m sure his family would be interested in the idea of him having one.

I know how he feels about the subject. I could tell you his thoughts but this is about me. HA! Naw its not my place to speak for him here.
But how do I feel about it?
I really don’t know.

Hell No Option: I have 3 great kids. I don’t have to change diapers or get up in the middle of the night. No crying, screaming or tantrums from the likes of a toddler. I can come and go as I please. I have enough things to worry about financially. My body isn’t getting any younger. I had easy pregnancies, yeah I am one of those, but at my age now would it be so easy. Would I be the same kind of mother I was?

Awww how adorable option: Then the thoughts of that bundle of joy roll in. That sweet tiny human you can mold into a model citizen. The cute things they do and say. Knowing that my sweetie would make a great dad. Seriously when I flew to meet him I saw it. While swimming in the hotel pool he started to play with another family’s kids in the pool. It was the cutest thing ever. Baby’s in the grocery store catch his eye.

When I moved I left everyone I knew with babies and toddlers. So I don’t get any baby fixes anymore. Though i wonder if thats what made me want it more.

Shout out: I miss my sweet little munchkin that I watched grow up and is now in school. I miss you Ava!!!

So far I am letting fate take its course and I think I am okay with that. Fate brought me here where I am happy. Eventually I will reach my personal cut off level in age and have to decide if I am content with my decision.