Do you think your not creative enough? It doesn’t have to be anything at all really you can just pour paint on the paper and swirl it around. Your not trying to be Picasso, you are letting your feelings out so just go with whatever happens.

If you feel you must have some inspiration you can try a book. Here are two that I own and have found some good ideas from them. My stuff never turns out how the people in the book make it and that is ok!

The Journal Junkies Workshop: Visual Ammunition for the Art Addict

Raw Art Journaling

You can also search the internet. I have found myself spending a couple hours just searching ideas in preparation for when I need it. Save yourself some time and check out my pinterest board for Art Inspiration. I have a variety of pins including quotes and tutorials.

What do you need?
You can use whatever is in your home. Paper, #2 pencils, crayons, cardboard. The possibilities are endless.

Since this is for therapy and not to make money my supplies are pretty basic. It started out small and grew as I tried different mediums and decided I liked using them.
Here is a list of supplies I have on hand at all times:

These notebooks allow many different media types. I paint with acrylic, water color, draw with pencil, micron pens, etc. Makes it easier to have one book for everything.
* Canson 9-Inch by 12-Inch Extra Long Multi-Media Paper Pad, 60-Sheet

To me these are the best drawing pencils.
* Faber-Castell 9000 Pencil Design Set

Student paint and the price was right. I also love the color choices! I don’t often have to mix colors other than maybe making a color lighter.
* Studio 71 – 24 Tube Paint Set

I purchased these brushes when I lived in Pittsburgh and haven’t been able to find them anywhere in Sarasota. I have a couple different packs so I should be good for awhile. Just get something cheap but not natural hair as it tends to come out in the paint.
* Studio 71 Premium Brushes

This is basic canvas and the price isn’t bad.
* Darice Studio 71 8-Inch-by-10-Inch Traditional Canvas

* Darice Studio 71 14-Inch-by-18-Inch Traditional Canvas

Sponges are great for making a textured look on acrylic.
* Arts & Crafts Painting Sponges

Watercolor paper is expensive so I only have this 6×6 pad so far.
* Global Art Fluid Watercolor Blocks 6 in. x 6 in. block

Instead of washing out a plastic palette I use these sheets and just throw them away when I am done.
* Darice Studio 71 9-Inch-by-12-Inch, 40-Sheet Palette

These are great pens for zentangle and journaling. I have a couple different sized black ones and some color ones as well.
* Sakura 30068 8-Piece Pigma Micron Clam Assorted Colors 01 Ink Pen Set

Charcoal pencils are messy but one of my favorite things to work with.
* General Pencil Charcoal Pencil Kit W/Eraser 557BP

When I draw with charcoal I use this eraser to remove some of the charcoal to create lines.
* Pentel Clic Eraser Grip Retractable Eraser with Grip, Assorted Barrels, 1 Pack (ZE21BP-K6)

I sometimes use colored pencils with my pencil and charcoal drawing just to give it a little color.
* Prismacolor Premier Colored Pencils, 24 Assorted Color Pencils

So go get messy, it’s ok! Make some art!

March 3, 2013 I walked out of the hospital not remembering where I was. I saw palm trees and realized, “Oh yeah, I live in Florida.” I only moved here last year and I felt like I was in another world after all the hours I laid in the hospital bed at Sarasota Memorial Hospital just a few blocks from where I live.

I started having pain a few days before, then spotting. I went to the hospital I had planned on delivering at in hopes of finding out what was going on. I have had 3 births in my younger years and never had problems like this. That hospital trip left me even more confused and unsure of what was going on. First a guy drew blood. I am afraid of needles and he took so long and wouldn’t shut up. He insisted on taking blood from a vein in my hand. That vein is now puffy days later. Once I was in a room a registration guy game in and took some info. He also did a palm scan. I had never heard of a hospital doing that before. He said it was to keep records secure and easily accessible for future visits. He asked for typical information such as my address and insurance information. We didn’t get to finish since the doctor came in but said he would return later. He never did. The doctor diagnosed me with a UTI and said it was normal for some ppl to not have any symptoms. When asked about the pain and bleeding he said that it could be an early miscarriage but he saw no blood and said I should be fine. He gave me a 90% to deliver to full term and said my HCG of 4016 was normal for 10 weeks. I didn’t see him again after that.

I waited in the room for some time. A cleaning guy came in and emptied both the regular trash and the red bag trash into the same bin he was rolling around. Tell me what the point of having them separate is if they get tossed out together anyway? He didn’t even put new bags in so some trash was left behind in the used bag.

I felt like this was such a wasted trip. No other tests, no ultrasound and sent me on my way. It was around 5am at that point. I was exhausted but knew something wasn’t right. I spent that day in more pain than when I went to the ER but eventually it went away so I tried to stay hopeful.

When I woke up on the final day I laid in bed for what felt like hours in what was the worst pain I’ve ever had. I couldn’t move and my boyfriend told me I had to go back to the ER. I don’t know that I could really even think right at the time.

We arrived and checked in at the hospital and the worst part of the pain seemed to be over. I sat in the waiting room exhausted. I was too tired to even talk at times so my boyfriend answered many questions for me.
First they drew blood again. I made it clear I didn’t want him to take it from my hand and how displeased I was with the last guy. He said they don’t like to use the hand and mentioned the guy from the other night was a fireman. After some time had passed I was wheeled to ultrasound. The entire time the technician was quiet. She didn’t show me the screen at any point. I knew that couldn’t be a good sign. After being in the waiting room awhile longer I was taken to a room where I spent a few more hours of my day.

A doctor came in and said my tests weren’t ready yet and that he would be back when they all were. He gave me his business card. Ummmm ok

I got a visit from a different registration guy than the other day. When I mentioned I was there a few days ago he did a palm scan to pull up my information. He mentioned he was going to retake my picture. I was shocked and said, “What?!” He said the picture they had wasn’t good. That the last guy took it from too far away and had my boyfriend and the entire room in it. I told him I had no idea they guy even took a picture. I also told him he never came back to the room. He said he would make sure someone knew about that as he should have informed me. I mentioned the doctor giving me his business card and he said,

“You should see some of these doctors have huge cards with pictures and everything.”

He held up his hand demonstrating the size of an oversized index card. All i could do was shake my head. Ego much? I signed a form saying my information was correct and off he went. Not long after a lady came in and informed me that she was the lead registration technician. She asked about my visit with the other guy and I told her. She then showed me a piece of paper like the one I had just signed and asked if I saw it before or signed it. No! The first guy forged my signature! I really hope he got fired. I’m flabbergasted!

The nurses also had left another patients urine in the room. I made them remove it. I’m so not pleased with this hospital.

About an hour passed by and the doctor returned with a nurse. It appeared as if they were going to do an exam. As if it was no big deal he said I had miscarried and continued on with the exam, while I was in tears. He then said my levels were even lower than the other night. I was in shock and mentioned not being able to see the ultrasound and his response was,

“Thats not her responsibility.”

When he was done he left the room. So cold.

He stayed away for awhile while I cried. Luckily my boyfriend was right there by my side. This answer was not what he was expecting. I suspected but wouldn’t allow myself to believe it.

The doctor once again returned and was asked about the UTI. He said untreated it could be why. Really?!?!? I had no symptoms and I don’t know but I felt like he was placing blame. I told him about the doctor the other day giving me a 90% rating and saying my levels were normal. He said the doctor diagnosed correctly and he agreed. Then added that even if they knew there was nothing they could have done to stop it. I just wanted to punch this guy in the face.

I had a visit from another doctor who informed me that this was no ones fault and they were waiting to talk to an OB to see what to do from here as there was still some tissue left.

More waiting……

The first doctor eventually returned and said the OB said I could go home and let it pass on my own. He said he would get me discharged very soon.

More waiting……..

And more waiting…….

At this point I was ready to rip the IV out and just go home.
My boyfriend went to the nurse. Apparently the doctor never told them to release me! She made sure to find out if I was being released and did my paperwork ASAP. As she tool the IV out she leaned over and said,

“I’m really sorry.”

For her kindness I thank her. As she was the only one who really was.

I now struggle to hold back the tears. I don’t want to look at my body for I will see the unbloated belly and my boobs that are already back to normal. I know eventually I will be okay. I have the most wonderful man to support me. It will take time.

The next step is deciding if we want to risk going through this again and try before I’m too old (in my own mind). Whatever we decide I am happy and more in love with him everyday.

If you made it through this story, thank you for listening. If this has happened to you, I’m truly am sorry

This is soothing to me

If you feel the need to say anything to me about this matter….. Hugs are nice, I’m sorry is cool, but what I really want and need is laughter. Post it here or on Facebook. Pics, videos, whatever. I won’t complain that you plastered my wall with 10 hilarious videos, not one bit! Make me laugh for laughter is the best medicine.

Prepare to laugh!

My first marriage not only turned out to be a disaster there really was no wedding. We were married at the local magistrate. At the time I thought I didn’t care but in the end I really did. The biggest problem was I got married for the wrong reasons.

My needs are small but to me they are important.

• I want to be asked properly and for the right reasons. Yes I am a sap when it comes to that.
• I want a small outdoor wedding that is not religious. My love of nature and the breeze blowing my hair and my dress.
• Close family and friends are the only people needed to attend. I refuse to invite more people for the gifts. I also don’t love a huge crowd.
• I want to wear a beautiful dress. It doesn’t have to be a ball gown or even white, just an actual wedding dress.
• I want it to be a day of fun for everyone. I want food and dancing. I want it to showcase love.

I have very simple requests.
You don’t need anything to be happy, but I think it’s important to have a day of celebration of each other. Not just a 15 min event in court in between hearings. Maybe it’s because of my first marriage. Maybe it’s because I’m a chick and in all honesty girls dream of their wedding day. Do I have a pinterest board dedicated to wedding stuff? I plead the 5th LOL what girl doesn’t? You won’t find mine

Do I ever have to get married again? No, I don’t. I would rather live with the love of my life in sin than get married for the wrong reasons and regret it.

I feel alive.
It reflects in everything I do. I think more often before I speak. I wear brighter clothes. I look forward to waking up everyday.

YOU brought out the best in me my love <3. Thank you!

I’ve always wanted more kids. I was the type of person that wanted nothing more out of life than to be a mom. I never longed for a career or to travel the world.

I knew when I was with my ex that he didn’t want anymore kids. Which was probably a good idea considering. He made sure he couldn’t have anymore right after our 3rd was born almost 14 years ago. I gave up hope and moved on.

My sweetie and I have discussed the idea since he has no children of his own and I’m sure his family would be interested in the idea of him having one.

I know how he feels about the subject. I could tell you his thoughts but this is about me. HA! Naw its not my place to speak for him here.
But how do I feel about it?
I really don’t know.

Hell No Option: I have 3 great kids. I don’t have to change diapers or get up in the middle of the night. No crying, screaming or tantrums from the likes of a toddler. I can come and go as I please. I have enough things to worry about financially. My body isn’t getting any younger. I had easy pregnancies, yeah I am one of those, but at my age now would it be so easy. Would I be the same kind of mother I was?

Awww how adorable option: Then the thoughts of that bundle of joy roll in. That sweet tiny human you can mold into a model citizen. The cute things they do and say. Knowing that my sweetie would make a great dad. Seriously when I flew to meet him I saw it. While swimming in the hotel pool he started to play with another family’s kids in the pool. It was the cutest thing ever. Baby’s in the grocery store catch his eye.

When I moved I left everyone I knew with babies and toddlers. So I don’t get any baby fixes anymore. Though i wonder if thats what made me want it more.

Shout out: I miss my sweet little munchkin that I watched grow up and is now in school. I miss you Ava!!!

So far I am letting fate take its course and I think I am okay with that. Fate brought me here where I am happy. Eventually I will reach my personal cut off level in age and have to decide if I am content with my decision.

After almost two years on Prozac I stopped taking it. It helped me through one of the worst times in my life but it was time to let go.

It’s been over 2 months now since I quit and I couldn’t feel better.

My life changes have plenty to do with it but I feel so much better about myself.

I feel free. No panic attacks. No depression. Just ….. Roxy

Wishing good mental health to all my readers.

I love the holiday movies with favorites being ‘A Christmas Story’ (24 full hours every year) ‘Christmas Vacation’ and ‘Elf’.

I love Christmas music, particularly punk rock Christmas music.

I love making a big dinner for people. Even better with helping hands to put more love into the meal.

I love giving gifts. I’ve never felt I was too over the top. I always choose items I think the other person would want or need. If you just pick something to give something I don’t see the point.

I had everything I wanted this Christmas.

Gift giving was humorous with some of us wrapping a gift in a gift, and many items wrapped inside another wrapped box.

My girls helped me make lunch for my sweeties family I got to meet today.

My sweetie helped me make dinner before having to go to work.

This was the best Christmas ever!
Enjoy my new favorite Christmas song to go with my first year living in a beach town
Christmas in the Sand

Merry Christmas from my family to yours

How did I get so lucky? I live in an amazing beach city, with amazing weather and with an amazing guy. With the guy being the absolute best part of it all.

Everything that led me up to today was worth it. All the pain, tears, heartache, and even the depression have made me who I am, and have led me to the life I now have.

Nothing is ever perfect in life but I have learned to enjoy and appreciate what I have. I have someone by my side. He loves me, for me. He is good to my kids, that aren’t his. If I died tomorrow I will have died a happy and full of life woman.

We bring out the best in each other. Playful bickering, teasing, tickling, and acting like general goofballs is the highlight of everyday.

The world is our “room”.

I amazed every morning when I wake up and see him by my side.
I am amazed that we fell into this insta family so easily.
I am amazed at the sky every day as I see the clouds and palm trees.
I am amazed that my kids, while they miss Pittsburgh, have adjusted rather well.
I am amazed that life can be so wonderful.

It’s 3:30 pm on my birthday and I have already had the best birthday I can remember.

My guy works until midnight so I was sleeping when he got home last night. He woke me up to a gift. He knew it was something I wanted.

My kids all remembered my birthday which made me happy . I still have many friends to thank on facebook for the birthday wishes as well.

My guy isn’t fond of the beach so it meant so much to me that he was willing to take me this morning and sit there with me.

He took me to breakfast at my favorite place for my favorite meal, Fresh fruit crepes at First Watch.

We finished off they day swimming in the pool before he went to work.

I don’t expect anything from you my love but know that it was an awesome day, thank you! I love you more everyday!

I have been searching for a job since before i moved here. I finally got a call to come in for an interview the other day. Everyone tells me the bus transit system here sucks compared to a big city. At first I didn’t believe them telling them how horrible Pittsburgh’s has been getting these days.

So this job interview just had to be in the middle of the day, way the hell up there…. Oh sorry it was somewhere kinda far. Anyway since it was middle of day my sweetie was able to drop me off on way to work and I had to take buses home. Unless its close by home I still haven’t figured this city out yet. The interview lasted all of 15 minutes and the girl interviewing me was from Pittsburgh. When it was over I had an hour until another bus was coming so I did some shopping.

Luckily I left the store earlier than I thought I needed to as it was a hike to the bus stop. Everything looks so much closer on google maps. By the time I reached the stop I had sweat pouring down my back, I know right so hot! Florida is damn hot. I keep forgetting the need for water when doing any activity including going to get the mail. So I wait for the bus to come and it was right on time, imagine that. It was a short bus, seriously.

The fare is much cheaper than Pittsburgh tho no transfers. Two buses here cost me $2.50, in Pittsburgh two buses costs $3.50 with a transfer.

Anyway thank goodness for google maps so I can see where we were compared to where I needed to get off the bus. I had to cross a very busy street with like four lanes in each direction. They have lights and crosswalks here but damn still freaks me out.

There I am standing on the side of the road, waiting, sweating. I was thankful the next bus a/c was in high gear! It didn’t take long to realize I was on the ghetto bus going through the hood. I lived in a hood for 12 years, but I don’t know this hood so a little fear of the unknown I guess. Obviously I made it out just fine

I finally make it to downtown Sarasota where I could take yet another bus or walk home. I decide to stop in Whole Foods, which is huge here, and walk instead of paying for another bus. BIG mistake! Downtown is pretty dead in the early evening. Unless you count the homeless people that they call vagrants here. So here I am having traveled by two buses already, sweaty and tired, in new sandals and a dress and I decide to walk. It took me 30 minutes to get home, on foot, in the Florida heat. WTF was I thinking?

When I finally made it home Dinner was pretty much….. Get it your damn self lol

I guess that was one way of getting to know some of this city

Check out this pic of some ducks I saw close to home on my way back.

Did I mention I love it here? Cause I do