Archive for February, 2013
I am so confused on what to do with my life.
I am happy, don’t get me wrong. I love my sweetie, I have 3 wonderful kids, and I live in paradise.
I wouldn’t change any of that.
What more could I want?
How about a job that pays me what I am worth for starters.
I bust my ass in a retail job where I don’t have a set schedule and almost never have a full time schedule. The pay sucks, communication sucks, but I do enjoy the actual work. I work days, nights, and weekends depending upon what they schedule me for. Sometimes I have to stay late, on last minutes notice that occasionally puts me at a 10 plus hour shift. Sometimes I get asked to work on my day off. Sometimes I have 15 hours. I never know if I will be able to pay my bills from paycheck to paycheck. Because of the hours I can’t work another part time job without risking loosing hours at my current job since they change so often. I have no benefits and most likely won’t ever be full time or qualify for benefits.
Many of my readers know my previous job was a bit dysfunctional Yeah, that is putting it mid. We don’t need to go there but it was bad. I only got this job to put my daughter through private school.
Before that I was a mother and volunteer. I didn’t finish college. My daughter was struggling with her own education at a young age and It was more important to help her than finish myself. I gained some great experience as a volunteer that while many employers find wonderful they don’t seem to allow my skills gained there to be transfered to a career. That is my perspective.
I have a dream of opening a coffee/bake shop. I have started research and started working on a business plan. I don’t know if I can pull it off. Yes, I have some doubt. Should I continue if I have doubt? I have doubt that I will ever get an investor. It is so much work and for what? If it takes me nowhere is it worth it?
I chose to be a mom. I chose not to worry about a career. Never in that time did I envision that my life would be so different that I would need a job. Now that I am nearing 40 I am worried. Worried that all I will have is crappy, low paying jobs, with no insurance and expected to kill myself for that pay check.
I have thought about going back to school. I have thought long and hard about that business of mine I want to run. I am confused on where to go. In the meantime I struggle to pay the bills, and be able to pay for medical attention when I need it. I had lived in a ghetto in Pittsburgh for over 10 years. I lived with a moron of a husband in a run down house. I had no ambition other than I wanted my kids to have better than I did. I knew what to expect and it wasn’t much. I have since moved on. I left that moron and run down house and moved far, far away. Trying to survive outside the ghetto is harder than I ever thought.