Archive for October, 2011
Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen? It has happened to me many times over the years.
One in particular in the past was while driving on the highway something horrible came over me and I told my husband to get off the highway. I didn’t know if it was just my anxiety or what but he actually listened and we never found out if I was just nuts or if anything happened. I don’t think I really wanted to know.
The night before my dog died last year both me and my youngest daughter felt something was off.
It usually doesn’t happen that often but reacently it happened twice. I never know if it’s my immediate family or someone else close to us.
Last weekend I was supposed to go on a camping trip in Ohio. Unfortunatly I wound up with bronchitis with a touch of pneumonia early in the week and sent my family without me. I had a bad feeling the night before they left but was hoping everything was ok and didn’t want to freak them out by telling them. As it happens I was meant to stay home for a very good friend of mine who needed me. Once she was okay and with me the feeling went away.
This past Sunday I woke up with that feeling. I knew something was going to go wrong. My daughter babysat for a good friend of ours only to have her call us to pick her up as he was injured in an ATV accident. He is okay but when I heard that I knew my bad feelings from that morning had let loose. The creepy part is my yougest again told me she felt something that morning as well.
Once I know what the bad thing is I feel better. Not better as in I am happy but my mental state is better because I feel like I don’t have to worry anymore.
Everything happens for a reason. I just hate waking up and spending my day worrying, waiting until something bad happens. I wish there was something I could do to know, to stop things from happening but most often I can’t and can just be there for the aftermath.
Am I nuts? Is it some womens intuition? Is there something out there telling me something? Again, am I nuts?
There was a time I wanted more children and was upset that we choose early in life that we were done. You can’t blame us after having three by 25. I am one of those people who wanted nothing more out of life than to be a stay at home mom and take care of a gaggle of kids.
For many years I was a Girl Scout Leader enjoying other peoples kids to fill that void. It did start with my daughter wanting to be a Girl Scout, but little did I know how much it would fill a need for me.
I have a need to care for others. Its something naturally in me. My kids are all getting older with my youngest 12 and my oldest graduating high school this year. We talk all the time and spend time together but they don’t need that nurturing I miss giving to a toddler. I now work full time and no longer do Girl Scouts after 11 years so whats a girl to do to fill that nuturing need? My answer is apparently collecting dogs.
Of coarse I had Angel who passed away last year and she filled a huge part of my heart. She was like one of my children and when she died I felt like I lost a child. I am apparently over compensating for the need to nuture and the need to have back ups.
So welcome Baby, Pudgy and the newest addition Itty Bitty.