Nov 1, 2005 – Sept 8, 2010

Death is hard to deal with, even when it’s a pet.  Our dog was a member of the family.  It feels like I lost one of my children.

I spent at least half of yesterday in full on tears and the other half off and on after discovering she had passed.  It is easy to wonder why, how and what you could have done different.  It is easy to blame yourself.  I beat myself up over being too busy to notice her cold was much more than just a cold.  I beat myself up over being too busy to spend time with her lately when she needed it most.  The day before she passed I spent it mostly ignoring her.  It killed me inside knowing that.

Then I think of the other things… like how she followed me around everywhere, sat with me, slept with me, etc.  Lately she hadn’t done much of that.  Did she know?  Did she separate herself on purpose to help ease me into her loss?  Was she upset with me for not helping her?

Angel was a very special companion and family member.  She loved everyone and everyone loved her.  She was too young to go and I was not ready by any means to let her go.  Of coarse were never ready to loose someone close to us but the person closest to them suffers the most loss.

I will always remember her greeting me when I came home and how excited she was to see me.  When I went away for the weekend she would cry when I returned.  She sat in my lap as I watched tv.  She slept on my pillow case above my head.  In the winter she would lay under the covers behind the back of my knees and sometimes she would lay on her back under the covers with her little head popped out on the pillow as if she were a human.  She would lay in the living room window basking in the sun.  She loved to curl up in a ball and lay on her belly to have it rubbed. I will always remember asking her to give me kisses and she licked my chin.  If I asked where my baby was, she would come running.

We were planning a fall trip to the woods for the weekend with her and now I don’t think I can go.  I am happy she was able to share our vacation this year and spend that time with us.   She really didn’t have a favorite blanket or pillow she loved people and sometimes I swear she thought she was one of us.

She was the greatest gift my husband could have ever given me next to our children.  I will cherish her memories forever.  I will always be grateful for him bringing her into my life and being by my side when she passed.

Angel you were loved by many and will always be remembered.